


now the smoke is cleared

by kihyuks



Series: bbb fest [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: (kinda), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, hyungwon and changkyun are basically dating except they're not, idolverse, pseudo-dating, side showhoheon and kihyuk but they're very very minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22910575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyuks/pseuds/kihyuks
Summary: changkyun doesn't know where he stands with hyungwon. what he does know, though, is that kissing hyungwon is his favourite thing in the world.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M
Series: bbb fest [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646716
Comments: 7
Kudos: 79
Collections: BBBFest Debut Round: The Bittersweet Option





	now the smoke is cleared

**Author's Note:**

> for the **deep mistrust of any genuine affection** / **pseudo-dating other member/s without realising** / **no time to acknowledge that particularly blatant cry for help** squares
> 
> im not sure why im posting the last fic i finished for this fest first and working backwards but ig its a thing now so.. enjoy my first (but last written???) fic for bbb fest hehe

Changkyun finds himself in Hyungwon, Jooheon and Hyunwoo’s room once again. It’s becoming a bit of a habit now. Come back to the dorm after a long day, retire to their respective rooms, and then not long later Changkyun ends up leaving his room (with the excuse that being around Minhyuk and Kihyun acting all coupley isn’t what he wants to deal with) and in Hyungwon, Jooheon and Hyunwoo’s instead. And, as always, he ends up in Hyungwon’s bed, a distance between them for a short while, before they get closer and closer until there isn’t any distance between them at all.

A movie is playing on the TV, something Hyunwoo and Jooheon chose, but neither Hyungwon or Changkyun are watching. They’re too caught up in each other to focus on what’s playing on the TV. 

Changkyun slowly trails his finger lightly down Hyungwon’s arm. There’s no purpose to him doing it, other than the need to touch Hyungwon. And, well, Hyungwon always gets annoyed when Changkyun does it to him and he gets some weird satisfaction about Hyungwon trying to shuffle away from him only to be glued back to Changkyun’s side only a few seconds later.

Hyungwon’s gripping tightly to Changkyun’s other hand (the one not currently being used to annoy Hyungwon) and he squeezes it in warning. “Stop,” he whispers, careful not to interrupt the movie. 

“Never,” Changkyun mumbles. But, despite his words, he stops the next second. The weight of Hyungwon’s hand in his own is enough. But still, he wants more. He always wants more. Anything Hyungwon could possibly give him, he wants. All of Hyungwon’s attention, time, intimacy. Changkyun wants it all. 

Then, inconveniently, Changkyun’s stomach starts to rumble. “I want food,” Changkyun murmurs into Hyungwon’s ear. He has to speak quietly and stick close to Hyungwon to not interrupt the movie.

“Do you wanna know what I want?” Hyungwon whispers back, his lips brushing Changkyun’s ear. “A kiss.”

Changkyun turns his head and his eyes meet Hyungwon’s. “Do you now?” Changkyun can’t help but let his eyes flicker down to Hyungwon’s lips momentarily before he looks back up.

“Mm, I do.”

Instead of giving into what Hyungwon wants, Changkyun just raises an eyebrow. He wants to see whether Hyungwon will give in first or if he’ll be stubborn enough for Changkyun to make the first move. 

Hyungwon moves ever so slightly closer, his lips just barely brushing Changkyun’s, but that’s as far as he goes. 

Changkyun, unfortunately, has a complete lack of control when it comes to Hyungwon, so instead of waiting like he was hoping to do, he closes the distance and presses a soft kiss to Hyungwon’s lips. He pulls back, thinking a peck will be it, but instantly he feels a hand on the back of his head that pulls him back. Changkyun makes a little noise of surprise and Hyungwon takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into Changkyun’s mouth. 

Changkyun grips his hands in Hyungwon’s shirt and surges even closer. There are many things Changkyun loves in life - being on stage under the bright lights while their fans watch them, watching the sunset late at night after a long hard day, the feeling of finally finishing a song that he’s been stuck on for months - but the thing he can say he loves most is the way it feels to have Hyungwon kiss him the way he’s doing right now. 

Changkyun whines lowly, but it must be loud enough that Jooheon and Hyunwoo hear on the other side of the room because he hears Jooheon go, “Stop being gross, guys.”

Changkyun and Hyungwon break apart reluctantly and a small part of Changkyun feels guilty, but he’s dealt enough with the PDA between Jooheon, Hyunwoo and Hoseok through the years, as well as now between Kihyun and Minhyuk, that he mostly just finds it funny. And so when Changkyun starts laughing, so does Hyungwon. They try to keep it down, but they’re unsuccessful because Changkyun hears a loud sigh and then he’s being pulled out of Hyungwon’s bed by a pair of strong hands.

“I’m staging an intervention,” Jooheon says and pulls Changkyun out of the room.

Changkyun does little to resist him. He knows Jooheon’s only messing around with him. They do it to each other a lot when the other is being just a bit  _ too _ gross with their boyfriend(s), and so he doesn’t mind being dragged away from the warmth and comfort of Hyungwon too much.

But then Jooheon sits down on the sofa with a serious look on his face and Changkyun realises that maybe it’s not a joke. He joins Jooheon on the sofa and swallows as he looks over at his friend. “What’s going on?”

Jooheon sighs and looks at Changkyun sullenly. “You and Hyungwon. It’s going too far.”

“Too far how?”

“Changkyun,” Jooheon says like it’s obvious, “you don’t act like this with friends. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re dating.”

This talk has been a long time coming, Changkyun knows it has, but he’d been hoping to avoid it for longer. He knows that the members are confused about his and Hyungwon’s relationship, but Changkyun can’t even explain it himself. It’s like they’re dating, but, you know, without the actual dating part. Changkyun doesn’t even know how it happened, just that one day they went from regular friends to the next being whatever  _ this _ is. 

He knows they need to stop, that it’s not doing any good for his crush on Hyungwon, but he doesn’t really know how to stop it now. Now that he’s had a taste of what it’s like to be with Hyungwon, he just can’t let it go. 

But Changkyun doesn’t want to admit how deep in this he is to Jooheon. So, he says, “It’s fine. Friends can do this and it’s fine.”

Unfortunately for Changkyun, Jooheon knows him far too well, being his best friend. “You’re going to get yourself hurt if you continue like this. You either need to actually talk to him about how you feel, or you have to put an end to it.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Changkyun says in a small voice. 

“I don’t want to see you get hurt, Kyun-ah.” Jooheon gives him a sad smile. “Just think about it, okay?” With a comforting pat on his knee, Jooheon heads back to his room, leaving Changkyun alone with his thoughts in the living room.

Everything he’s kept buried deep in the back of his mind comes to the surface after Jooheon’s words. He’d convinced himself that doing this was fine and normal because he knew it was nothing more than a close friendship, but the whole time he’d really been hoping that Hyungwon felt the same way.

But then what if he doesn’t feel the same? Hyungwon’s never said anything that indicates that he has feelings for Changkyun, always just calling him a friend. Maybe it’s just Changkyun who has feelings and somehow Hyungwon figured it out, or maybe Changkyun told him when he was drunk and doesn’t remember doing it, and all along he’s just been humouring Changkyun.

In the industry they’re in it’s hard to find the intimacy they all so desperately crave, so two group members finding that intimacy and comfort in one another isn’t unheard of. Changkyun never thought he’d be one to partake in it, but then he fell for Hyungwon, and he just couldn’t stop himself. 

But even though Changkyun fell for Hyungwon, that doesn’t mean that Hyungwon ever fell for him too. He could just be in it for the affection. It’s not like Hyungwon can get that from any of the other members in the same way with them all being in relationships, so Changkyun is his only option.

Changkyun buries his head in his hands. He feels sickness wash over him. He wants to believe in Hyungwon, but there’s this doubt that he can’t help but feel. Was all the physical affection all along - all the hugs and kisses and touches - a lie? Was none of it ever real?

There’s only one thing Changkyun can do now. He can’t sit here and let himself panic and wonder and stress himself out over this because it’s going to get him nowhere and he’s only going to make himself feel worse and worse. 

So, Changkyun decides that tomorrow he’s going to talk to Hyungwon and set things straight. 

* * *

“What do you want to get?” Hyungwon asks as they stand at the end of a busy street lined both sides by various different restaurants. The sun set long ago, but the street still remains bright with the colourful lights shining from the signs to each of the restaurants. Despite it being quite late, the streets are still bustling with life. 

Both Changkyun and Hyungwon are covered head to toe, including their faces, hoping that it’ll prevent them from being recognised by fans so they’re able to enjoy a meal without an interruption for once (not that they mind meeting fans, but sometimes it’s nice just to have some time alone) but it’s probably futile. No matter how much they try, they always seem to get recognised. 

“Jajangmyeon?” Changkyun suggests. To be honest he isn’t craving anything in particular - he feels too sick from the anxiety of the conversation he’s about to have with Hyungwon to even think about food properly.

Hyungwon hums an agreement. “Let’s go, then.” He hooks out his elbow to allow Changkyun to hold on which he does gladly. Normally Changkyun would be stubborn and pretend he doesn’t feel the need to attach himself to Hyungwon, but the sea of people that swarms in front of them is enough for Changkyun to link his hand through Hyungwon’s elbow without an ounce of hesitation. 

Together they squeeze through the crowd of people. Changkyun lets Hyungwon take the lead as he looks down to the floor instead. Usually he doesn’t care for crowds too much, but with his anxiety spiked the way it is he’s not feeling up for them today. 

Hyungwon leads them to a small family restaurant. It’s one Changkyun recognises well as it’s the place of the first ‘date’ (if you can call it that) that Changkyun and Hyungwon ever went on. Ever since that day, they’ve been back multiple times and the owner recognises them now and offers them discounts on their food. 

The warmth inside the restaurant hits them like a ton of bricks after the piercing cold weather from outside and Changkyun is forced to strip off his coat as soon as they enter. 

“Oh, boys, nice to see you again,” says the owner as she spots them entering. “Come, come. There’s a seat for you at the back.”

They follow gratefully as she seats them in a secluded area away from the other customers. 

“The usual?” she asks. 

“Yes, please,” Hyungwon replies. 

The owner leaves them to get settled at that. Hyungwon rids himself of his coat, mask and hat and stretches out his arms with a yawn before he takes a seat opposite Changkyun. “I love it in here.”

“Me too,” Changkyun agrees. There’s something homely and warm about the little restaurant. At most there’s usually only a handful of customers in here at a time, but Changkyun likes it that way. Being able to be seated in their own little secluded corner away from the public in their own little bubble helps with the feeling. 

Now that they’re in the restaurant, though, Changkyun’s anxiety only gets worse. His hands feel clammy, and he wipes them on his jeans, but it doesn’t do much. 

Across the table, Hyungwon’s looking at Changkyun with such a soft look on his face that Changkyun feels overwhelmed. 

A surge of bravery hits Changkyun and he finally asks Hyungwon the question that’s been stuck on his mind for months. “Are we dating or are we just friends? Because to me it doesn’t seem like what we’re doing is friendship anymore.”

As soon as the words are spoken it’s like the whole room goes silent and time appears to slow down. Hyungwon’s eyes widen a fraction and he opens his mouth to speak. This is the moment, finally, when Changkyun’s either going to be elated, or he’s going to get his heart broken, and he can only hope it’s the former. 

Hyungwon’s phone starts to ring and the moment is broken. He shoots Changkyun an apologetic look as he answers. 

Changkyun hears lots of talking on the other end of the line, but he can’t make out any words. He wonders who it must be that’s calling Hyungwon so late, but he doesn’t get a chance to ask before Hyungwon is saying, “Shit, yeah, I’ll be right there,” and standing up from his seat. He doesn’t even bother to redress himself for the weather, just grabbing his items and starting to hurry out of the restaurant. “Sorry, Kyunnie, I  _ really _ need to go,” he calls just before he leaves. 

And with one last apologetic look, Hyungwon is out of the restaurant. 

Changkyun’s world feels like it’s all come crumbling down. He thought he’d be better prepared for a rejection, but he hadn’t prepared himself at all, in fact. Tears prick in the corner of Changkyun’s eyes and he’s hit with the overwhelming need to get out of here and get home. He drops a stack of notes onto the table without counting, but it’s thick enough that it should cover both of their meals and more, and then throws on his coat before he’s out of the door too. 

Their dorm isn’t far from here and he practically runs back to it, the need to be in the safety of his own home overtaking him. 

He doesn’t let himself cry until he’s back in his room. Changkyun collapses to the floor in front of his bed and a sob bursts from his throat. Tears stream down his face as he curls himself up on the floor as small as he can make himself. 

Changkyun distantly registers a hand on his arm and a voice speaking to him, but none of the words make any sense over the pounding of his head. 

As he cries, someone scoops him up into their arms and holds him close. He doesn’t know who it is, but he’s thankful for the comfort as he sobs into their chest. 

Changkyun cries for what feels like hours and when he’s finally able to stop he pulls back from the soaked t-shirt to see Minhyuk’s worried face looking back at him. “What’s wrong?”

Changkyun smiles bitterly. “I got rejected.”

Minhyuk frowns, but it’s not out of confusion for what Changkyun is referring to. Being roommates and close friends, Changkyun had once spilled about his feelings for Hyungwon to Minhyuk during one of their late night talks long ago. “He rejected you? How? Why?”

“Fuck if I know,” Changkyun says with a shrug. “Guess I was just convenient.”

Minhyuk’s eyes turn to steel. “No. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

But it’s how Changkyun feels about himself. He’s nothing but a convenience to Hyungwon. As angry and upset with Hyungwon as he is, though, Changkyun also knows that he’s to blame here too. He got himself into this situation by being greedy and wanting what he couldn’t have, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“Thank you for comforting me,” Changkyun says as he slips out of Minhyuk’s arms. “I’m going to go to bed now.”

Minhyuk looks reluctant to let Changkyun go, it looks like he wants to say more, but he holds himself back. “Goodnight,” he says instead. 

“Night,” Changkyun replies as he slips under his duvet fully clothed. He has no energy left in his body to even change out of his clothes, so he just shuts his eyes and tries to think about anything except Hyungwon. 

* * *

Sitting in the van on the way to their fansign for today is practically torture. Changkyun hasn’t spoken a word to anyone all morning, even Minhyuk who had tried his best to cheer Changkyun up, and he still doesn’t plan on speaking in the van, but his silence is deafening. It’s clear he’s simmering in his anger in the back seat. Although he’s put his earphones in his ears, he’s not playing music, and instead he’s listening to the conversation in the van. 

“Did you get a call back about your audition?” Hoseok asks. 

Right, Hyungwon’s audition. He’d been asked by the producers of some new drama that Changkyun doesn’t really know much about to audition for the lead role. They’d insisted that he audition as a formality, but they said they wanted him to play the role for definite. Changkyun knows Hyungwon did his audition a few weeks back, but he never mentioned it again after. 

“Nope,” Hyungwon replies, a sadness in his voice. 

“Really? They never said anything else?”

“I guess they decided they didn’t want me or something, I don’t know. Kinda feels like they led me on, though.”

The scoff Changkyun makes is automatic and it has every face in the van turning to look at him. 

“What?” Changkyun spits. He can’t hold back his anger now. It’s been festering and growing ever since Hyungwon abandoned him at the restaurant last night, starting off as upset and hurt and turning into pure rage the longer he waited. “You’re going to sit there and talk about how  _ you  _ got led on? You of all people? That’s a fucking joke, Hyungwon, and you know it. You have  _ no _ right to say shit about being led on.” He’s screaming by the end of it, his finger pointed in Hyungwon’s direction and his face burns like it’s on fire. 

A tension so thick a knife couldn’t even cut it settles over the van. No one says a word at Changkyun’s outburst. Hyungwon doesn’t even look in his direction and all it does is anger Changkyun further. How dare Hyungwon do this to him and then have the audacity to complain about being led on. How dare he. 

The van pulls up to the fansign building seconds later and they fall into a frenzy as they’ve arrived late and still need to get their hair, makeup and outfits done. 

They’re all ushered into a room and Changkyun is sat down in a chair and instantly there are hands fixing his hair and putting makeup onto his face. There’s no time to even think about what just happened in the van, to regret that he had an outburst in front of all of his group members instead of just talking to Hyungwon normally. 

With hair and makeup finished, Changkyun hurries to change into his clothes and then in an instant they’re out on stage in front of their fans. 

Changkyun waves hello to the smiling faces in the crowd as he takes his seat at the table. He unfortunately discovers that his seat is directly next to Hyungwon. He mentally curses whoever made the seating arrangements for putting him next to the last person he wants to even think about right now. 

As the fans start to approach them, Changkyun ignores Hyungwon to his side and acts like he doesn’t exist. It isn’t easy and he doesn’t achieve it very well because he can hear Hyungwon talking and laughing and sounding so happy as he speaks to their fans and it honestly hurts. It hurts to think that Hyungwon is having such an easy time dealing with what happened between them when Changkyun’s having such a hard time with it. Sure, it could just be a front as they’re with fans right now and they have to act happy and excited (which is something Changkyun has always struggled with, his emotions always clear on his face, but he does his best).

Changkyun goes through the motions of greeting the fans, smiling at them, listening to their stories and answering their questions. Over and over and over again. But he just doesn’t feel completely into it and he’s sure the fans can tell. There’ll probably be tweets and posts after the fansign ends about Changkyun looking down and upset, but he doesn’t find it in himself to care. If the fans notice something’s up there’s nothing he can really do about that.

“Hi, Changkyun,” the next fan says as she sits down in front of Changkyun. “How are you doing?”

Changkyun takes a hold of her hand with his right hand while he signs the album for her. “I’ve been better,” he admits. It’s better to be honest with the fans when it’s so clear that he’s not happy anyway. “How are you?”

“Better now that I’ve seen you.”

Changkyun grins at her for that. “Well, I’m glad.”

They don’t get to have more of a conversation as staff rush her along to Hyungwon and another fan sits down in front of Changkyun instead. 

While Changkyun talks to the fan in front of him, he can’t help but eavesdrop into the conversation the fan that just left him is having with Hyungwon.

“Who’s your favourite out of the members?” the fan asks. It’s a common question, one they’ve been asked time and time again, so Changkyun tries to focus back in on the story the girl in front of him is telling him.

But then, Hyungwon says, “You can’t tell him, but it’s definitely Changkyun.”

“Why Changkyun?”

Hyungwon hums like he’s thinking. “He’s special to me.”

Changkyun freezes in his spot. Did he really just hear that right? Did Hyungwon  _ really _ just say that about him after everything? As much as he hates it, it makes his heart skip a beat. 

A thought crosses his mind that maybe, just maybe, he’d been wrong and Hyungwon feels the same way about him. But he can’t start thinking about that now, not when they still have fans to meet, so he forces the thought out of his mind and focuses back on the fan in front of him and just getting through the rest of the fansign.

* * *

Changkyun tries to escape to his room as soon as they make it back to the dorm, but he’s stopped by Hyungwon when he’s a few steps from his door. 

“Hey, Changkyun, can we talk, please?”

Every fibre of Changkyun’s being tells him to say no, go to bed and wallow in sadness, but he fights it because he might as well hear Hyungwon out. They didn’t exactly leave their conversation the other day off with a clear resolution and Changkyun kind of wants to finally talk through everything. He’s mad at Hyungwon, yes, and he’s hurt, but nothing’s going to resolve itself if they don’t communicate with each other. Regardless of what happens and how they might feel (or not feel) for each other, they’re still members of the same group and have to share the same small living space. Any unresolved anger and tension between them wouldn’t be good for either of them or the rest of the group.

“Okay, fine,” Changkyun says curtly. Just because he’s agreed to talk to Hyungwon and knows it’s for the best doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it. 

Changkyun follows Hyungwon into his room, but he doesn’t sit on Hyungwon’s bed next to him like usual, he sits down on Jooheon’s bed opposite instead. It’s obvious that he’s done it to make a point and a look of hurt flashes across Hyungwon’s face before he schools his expression back into neutral.

A tense and uncomfortable silence settles over the room. 

“So, anything to say?” Changkyun doesn’t even care that he’s being rude. Hyungwon  _ left _ him at the restaurant after Changkyun admitted to his feelings, and Changkyun’s allowed to be angry at him.

Hyungwon sighs. “About the other day,” he starts, but then he doesn’t continue, and it only irritates Changkyun further.

“What, the other day when you just up and left me on what  _ I _ thought was meant to be a date? When I talked to you about my feelings and got no answer or even acknowledgement after?”

“I’m sorry, Kyun, I’m so sorry.” Hyungwon sounds genuinely remorseful and it softens Changkyun’s anger a little bit. “I got a call from management telling me they immediately needed me to come in regarding my audition that I didn’t hear back from. Turns out I never got a call back because it was a huge scam. I didn’t want to tell you guys though because I was embarrassed that I thought I’d really be picked out personally for a drama.”

“You could’ve still talked to me later,” Changkyun says. He feels sorry for Hyungwon, of course he does, but he still hurt Changkyun with his actions. 

“I tried. Minhyuk wouldn’t let me in.”

“Hm.” It’s not unrealistic, and at least Changkyun has an explanation for Hyungwon’s actions, but there’s still the glaring issue of Hyungwon and Changkyun not being on the same page about their feelings that hasn’t been addressed. “I get that. At least we’re talking now.”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon looks down at the floor instead of keeping his focus on Changkyun. “I’m sorry I confused you as well.”

“Not your fault. I should’ve asked sooner rather than assuming we felt the same as each other.”

“No, Changkyun, you got it wrong.”

Changkyun tilts his head as Hyungwon finally looks up at him.

“I thought we were dating the whole time. I’ve been calling you my boyfriend to my family for months. I didn’t realise we’d never spoken about it because I, well, didn’t really think about it. I knew I liked you and I knew you liked me too. I’m sorry I never said anything, I just thought it was obvious.”

Changkyun’s mind goes blank because  _ what _ . Hyungwon likes him back? Hyungwon’s been calling Changkyun his boyfriend? And then, as it sinks into his mind that he’s had a boyfriend for  _ months _ and has been freaking out over nothing, Changkyun bursts into laughter. The situation is just so ridiculous that all he can do is laugh loudly, freely. 

“We’re such idiots,” Changkyun says.

“Yeah. Idiots in love.” Hyungwon’s eyes widen. “Shit, I didn’t mean to assume.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and he finally makes his way over to Hyungwon and sits down on the bed next to him so he’s able to hold Hyungwon’s hand. “Of course I love you, silly.”

And the way Hyungwon’s whole face lights up and his smile stretches so wide it looks painful makes Changkyun fall in love all over again.

“So, boyfriend, shall we go be disgusting in the living room and make everyone suffer seeing us being boyfriends in love?” Changkyun suggests with a dramatic eyebrow wiggle. It’s just a joke, Hyungwon will know that, but now that he can call Hyungwon his boyfriend and talk about how in love they are he’s going to take every opportunity to say it. He just can’t believe that he  _ actually _ has a boyfriend now. And, well, he technically has for months, he’s just a bit of an idiot. 

“Let’s do it, boyfriend,” Hyungwon agrees. 

And, once again, Changkyun falls even more in love. 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments appreciated!
> 
> twitter: [@changkihyks](http://twitter.com/changkihyks/)  
> cc: [changkihyks](https://curiouscat.me/changkihyks?t=1559413679/)  
> 


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